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October 31st, 2015

10/31/2015

4 Comments

 
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It has been a while since I have written. Why? I may have mentioned this before but I have gotten involved in a Christian recovery program called, Celebrate Recovery. I must say that going through this process has been one of the most grueling and painful and exciting, joyful and freeing experiences of my life. I am only half-way through this process and am excited where the LORD is taking me.

I know when I hear the word “recovery”, I immediately think of drinking or drugs. However this journey has enabled me to see that life in this world creates layers of hurts, hang-ups and habits. I believe that everyone has a past and in that past there are hurts and hang-ups created. And bad habits, well, I will not even go there right now.

In these past couple of months, I have dedicated myself to “clean house”. I have been walking around with some deep wounds that I have come to realize, I held onto because, one, I did not know how to let them go and two, it gave me a reason. The reason for all the “woes”. I realized that even though I accepted CHRIST at the age of 17, I did not fully understand the gifts, promises and love that was there for the taking. As a matter of fact, growing up Jewish and understanding what the word and meaning of guilt is ( no pun intended here), I never realized what true forgiveness meant. I did continue on a path of trying to be perfect and beating the cr*p out of myself for every little thing that I thought I did wrong.

I am now 54. Two years ago, I had a desire to go deeper in my faith. I so wanted a relationship with JESUS. And when the student is ready, the teacher arrives. I have a picture on my cell-phone of JESUS holding a little girl with dark hair. Each day I get closer and closer to feeling the comfort of what that picture is. Each day I get closer and closer to feeling the love, safety and protection of what that picture means to me.

There is a Psalm, Where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD. (Psalm 121:1-2)
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I had to let go of my idea that I had the power and I was going to save myself and all those around me. I had to let go of my mixed up notion that I had to be everything to everyone because if I was not – I was not loved. But then JESUS came to me. BY HIS GRACE, the scared, alone, over self-reliant little girl was ready to accept him in. AND all through the years HE was there, protecting me, holding me… much like that picture. 

4 Comments
Betty LaVere link
10/31/2015 05:38:49 pm

Oh Deni, I wish I could give you a big hug or just hold you like the Sister in Christ you are ! Little do any of us know that the little girl in the picture is you or me or any other that needs that assurance of our Heavenly Father loving us just as we are. We no longer have to feel the guilt or carry any of the crap of our past life. His blood on the cross erased all that and all He expects of us is to let it go and know that we, the grown up Betty or Deni (etc) took care of ourselves the best we could at that time. We protected that precious little girl and now we will never go back to feeling scared, alone, victimized or what ever we went thru. Once our Lord forgives, we are FORGIVEN indeed ! So happy you are so brave and trusting of our Lord to do whatever you need to do at this time. I have been there and tho I am far from perfect, I know I am forgiven when I ask to be. Stay the strong loving caring prayerful and believer that you are and continue to grow in God's Will as we all are doing. Love you, Betty

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Deni
10/31/2015 10:30:55 pm

Thank you Betty for your prayers, support and love! I love you very much !

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Cathy Brennan
10/31/2015 09:43:23 pm

Thank you so much for sharing your journey, it's inspiring to hear and I wish you much more love and joy as you continue in your faith. God bless you and your family.

Reply
Denise
10/31/2015 10:29:45 pm

Thank you Cathy

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