Most of my life, I went around trying to show people that I had a heart of gold. I would go out of my way to do things for people, even when they did not ask and even at times when they did not want me to and even when I didn't really want to. My “heart of gold” was a bit of a dictator. It knew best. Or so it thought!
“Doing” is concrete to me. I like to do things for others because I love them. Frankly it is not wrong to do things for others.
BUT.......I needed to learn (still learning) that when I am doing, it is with no conditions attached. And further, it is with the heart for GOD, (not the desire to attain a heart of gold) that I am to love, help and assist those around me.
However, sometimes I get caught by doing, with conditions attached. And guess what? That dulls that golden shine!
In the past, I even had a mental “good deed” bank account. Perhaps you are familiar? It went like this. I helped someone with X, it went into the debit side. I assisted that same person with Y, also on the debit side. Then, I needed someone to help me. I asked, and notta! Heck, I had two debits and no credits! That is where the sulking and the anger entered.
So, here I am at 1 Corinthians 13:5 where it says that love is not self-seeking, easily angered and keeps no record of wrongs.
An ongoing work of progress, I am. But it was getting very clear to me that I was “doing” to get some kudos (self-seeking) and when it did not go my way, I got mad (easily angered) and then the whole deed account (keeps record of no wrongs). Man oh man, I need to work on this!
In the sermon at my church this past Sunday, the Pastor spoke about the heart. Where is your heart? Do you have doubt in your heart? Do you have a believing heart? It made me really look at my heart. Ouch!
John 15:2 tells me that GOD is constantly changing me removing the bad and making the good even better (paraphrased). That is kind of what I was hearing in Sunday’s message.
For instance, I had to really examine my “doing and giving”. So, I said to myself, “Deni, do you want a heart of gold or do you want a heart for GOD?”
Old habits, sheesh!
A new path of changing and growing in the “doing” department. I had to really examine myself and my motives.
For instance, I had a big Easter gathering. And I just had to have it my way! But of course, look at all I am doing! Cooking dinner, having egg hunts, serving dinner…….. and then since I thought I was “doing” all of this, the participants first HAD to participate and secondly, HAD to do it the way I wanted them to do it. Oh yeah and they all HAD to laugh and have a great time!
Let me tell you, GOD was showing me lots! In order for you to shine those ugly parts, you have to see them, recognize them, realize they are an issue and then with the LORD’s help, change them…. Hmmmm, sounds like the serenity prayer a bit.
With all this being said, it was not all bad. Easter was great and I was amazingly blessed! I didn’t want to leave you with this picture of me running around beating people into submission because I wasn’t getting my way.
I am also blessed that my relationship with GOD is deep enough that I hear HIM direct me, correct me and prod me in the right direction. Each day, as in John 15:2, I will become even more fruitful and have a great heart for GOD!
Thank YOU JESUS ❤