Who am I anymore????

I am no one special other than special enough that GOD loves me
- ordinary, neurotic at times, loving, angry, Sometimes forgiving,
can be judgmental, worried, fearful, sometimes smart, mistake-ridden
imperfect me!

And if GOD loves me in spite.. HE certainly loves us all!

Today IS a New Day

Today, I will put my shame away!

Today, I will stomp out what tries to drag me down!

Today, I will rise! I am not who I was yesterday!

I am not who I was even but a moment ago!

GOD’S mercy and grace provide renewal. Each and every morning.

So why? Why do I hold on to the shame and guilt of yesterday?

No more! JESUS shed HIS blood for me so that I am washed clean. I accept HIS love and then repent.

Repent of all I have done that I know of, and that even I may not be aware of!

I am covered! And those things behind me are gone!!

Time to put it down! Let it go! Brushing off the title of victim.

Today, I will assume my rightful title of warrior and victor!

Yep, today....

#ThankYOUJESUS ❤️

4/29/2015 2 Comments

Who am I anymore????

Dear GOD

I do not know who I am or who I am supposed to be. For so long I just am who I think others think I should be. I do what I think others think I should do. I fill my void with “doing”. I fill my unacceptance with “helping” even when I am physically hurting, or unable to do so. Sometimes, I feel like a robot, that I am just doing the motions but I am disconnected from the feeling. I am not sure why and frankly I am not sure it even matters why. Sometimes I hurt everywhere and am so tired and it is hard. But that feeling sometimes crosses over into my connection to YOU LORD. That scares me more than anything.

Love, me

------------------------------------------------------

That was my prayer or plea would be a better word. While at work, I heard a song that had such an impact on me that I cried hard and long. Then, I felt HIM. In my exhaustion, the peace of JESUS flooded over me. This probably sounds like those Sunday, hat wearing, and bible thumping woman in the blue flowered dresses, screaming HALLELUJIA! And if it does, I am ok with that. Because THAT is what it feels like to be holding on to GOD in the midst of inner turmoil, it is like sinking into a feather bed; being held tightly in strong arms.

The day got even weirder. We have emails from customers that come into a central email account for work. And there it was… an email that went like this:

“Christians should be patient and rejoice in our sufferings for Christ, because we are tokens of divine favor; we promote the gospel and prepare for glory. As we rejoice in our sufferings of Christ Jesus, we set eternally triumphant and rejoice in glory, amen. 1 Peter 4:12-18”

Then I heard loud and clear……. Deni, rejoice, you are MINE, I paid for YOU with my blood.

It is okay if I am weak. It is ok if I cannot. It is ok if I fail. AND it is ok if I choose GOD over everything else. It is okay because HE SUFFERED for me. And I may hurt physically, and emotionally, but there is NOTHING that will or can rip me from my FATHER’s arms. HELLELUJIA!!

2 Comments

Betty LaVere link

4/30/2015 03:30:33 am

Dear Deni, one of the biggest blessings I have had is when I moved here,to an Independent Living Apartment. I "finally" had time to think of who am I now, not a wife, children grown, one living in another state, and it took me awhile to get acclimated to it being mostly about me.
I had put others first my entire life, shaped myself for what was needed or expected of me (like you xo) Now I have learned it is OK to not be at my best everyday, I learned to be my own best friend and not talk to myself in a way I would never talk to others. I think I am learning to see myself as God sees me, His child, and I grow daily in His Word and find I still have a bottomless love of others and still help where I can. Just knowing you has shown me what a loving and caring woman you are. Trust me, you are just fine the way you are, we will never be perfect while on this earth, but the Lord respects our daily efforts. You are enough !! Enjoy what you can do without harming your health, rest and watch when you are not up to it. I think of it as alone without the loneliness. Again I say "YOU ARE ENOUGH"

Deni link

4/30/2015 11:13:03 am

Thank you Betty. I always tell my kids it is progress not perfection. Now if I only would get that through my own head. I love your words, "You are enough" because so often inside I do not feel like I am. Thank you for your words and encouragement! Love you!!!

Author

I am Deni, short for Denise. I grew up in a Jewish home, in a Jewish neighborhood and a Jewish family. In 3rd grade we moved. We moved to a mostly non-Jewish area.... that is where JESUS found me. I say found me because I yet had not acknowledged it, but would find out later.......by grace, HE HELD ME ALL ALONG, just a lil Jewish girl from Philly.

YOUR CART

Today IS a New Day

Who am I anymore????

Leave a Reply.

Archives

Author