I don't like feeling or being vulnerable. I put a lot of energy into making sure I am not! Illusion!!!!
Safety has been a very common theme in my lifetime or lack thereof.
Somewhere along my travels through my days here on earth, something, someone, and an accumulate of occurrences left me feeling open and unsafe.
That lack of feeling safe did not begin to leave until I let go and fell into the arms of JESUS.
Aha moment yesterday! In an effort to create the illusion of providing safety over me and mine; it appears that what I actually did was create fear in those I love. What I thought was meant for good, ended up having bad effects.
This is a hard one for me! I feel and actually see a scared little girl buried deep within. And GOD is telling her, "it is safe now, Deni, come out- I will give you rest".
Rest? I didn't get it! Here is the aha! It is exhausting being on watch all the time! Ready to fight- run- react!!
I know my story. At least I thought. Now I understand better that all of it was for HIS glory!
Once there was a little girl with big dark eyes. She was intense from a tiny little tike. She had a dad and a mom who cared for her so. They covered her in protection. So much so that she didn't feel safe anywhere else! When she left that safety, her heart beat rapidly, she swallowed the fear as best she could. Even leaving for seconds caused a deep yearning to get back to that safety.
Forward, 50+ years and she is learning that the only safe place is in JESUS arms!
Thank YOU JESUS for gently showing me that I am ok, I will be ok, and everything is going to be ok! ❤️
I am Deni, short for Denise. I grew up in a Jewish home, in a Jewish neighborhood and a Jewish family. In 3rd grade we moved. We moved to a mostly non-Jewish area.... that is where JESUS found me. I say found me because I yet had not acknowledged it, but would find out later.......by grace, HE HELD ME ALL ALONG, just a lil Jewish girl from Philly.