I CAN'T - GOD CAN! - I AM MESSIN IT ALL UP!!

I keep reminding myself that when Paul wrote Philippian’s, it was under the worst of human circumstances. My currently life situation leaves much to be desired but it does not compare to the severity of Paul being beaten, starved and shackled for two years. Here I sit in the last weeks (weeks not years) with much anxiety; fighting anger and tears and yet,during Paul years not weeks, he writes:

Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: REJOICE! (Philippians 4:4) and then in Philippians 4:13, my personal favorite… “ I can do all things through CHRIST who strengthens me.

Then if I am to be perfectly honest and real, I waltz around whining and bitching and acting like my problems are more difficult than others and screaming : SHUT UP and treating everyone with less than calm and nice tones. And there is Paul once again reminding me:

2 icomplete my joy by being jof the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 3 Do nothing from kselfish ambition or lconceit, but in mhumility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you nlook not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Philippians 2:2-4)

SO I am left with egg on my face. I AM A SCHMUCK! (hence the name of this blog). If anyone who happened to cross my path these past few weeks and I was rude, curt or mean-spirited, I apologize. But more than that, I need to ask for my FATHER’s forgiveness. The idea here is to be “CHRIST-LIKE” and I know that is impossible. But the desire is there. I AM FORGIVEN!

Does that mean I can continue to run around like an anger ball of fire who is lighting up anyone who approaches me??? NO NO NO !!! It does mean that JESUS is bringing to light that I need to handle this all differently.

I would like to ask for help. I need prayer. I am completely out of sync and I am allowing my situation take my joy and my peace. And worse, I am taking my distasteful condition out on others. PLEASE FATHER JESUS, I BEG OF YOU to first forgive me, and to thank YOU that I do not have to remain in this anxious hell any longer. I ask as a CHILD of GOD that YOU forsake me and keep the EVIL one at bay. HOLD me up with your RIGHT hand as it tells me you will in YOUR word. Please do not leave me or forsake me FATHER. I ask for these things in JESUS name and in JESUS name I ask evil to have no hold on me. Please restore my peace in ALL situations. In JESUS name again I beg and pray. AMEN

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