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I am no one special other than special enough that GOD loves me
- ordinary, neurotic at times, loving, angry, Sometimes forgiving,
can be judgmental, worried, fearful, sometimes smart, mistake-ridden
imperfect me!

And if GOD loves me in spite.. HE certainly loves us all!

What you can’t forgive you become

Forgiving can be so difficult but so necessary!

I heard something that was shocking. “What you don’t forgive you become”

Not forgiving is tying yourself to the offense or perceived offense.

Life has triggers all around us to try and have us hold on to not forgiving rather than the forgiveness of CHRIST.

I was a victim of child sexual abuse. For the longest time, I not only had hate for the offender but also myself.

It was not until I let it go. And forgave, that I too was able to receive forgiveness.

GOD forgave so much!

Chance after chance we were given. And we failed. And the LORD gave us JESUS, HIS beloved born son to be sacrificed. All so we no longer had to wear our inequities. We no longer became our shame.

JESUS was spat on, whipped, mocked and in the worst physical pain. Yet, HE stood in the gap of HIS offenders and asked the FATHER to forgive them. Yes, forgive those who were persecuting HIM!

When someone hurts me, the last thing I think of is praying to the FATHER for them that hurt me. I, instead walk about with anger tattooed upon my soul. Ripping peace from my heart.

So, who is this hurting? My offender? Ummmmm, no!

LORD, help me forgive today. Help me to let it go! Forgive me, FATHER for those things I do that hurt others. Teach me LORD to love like YOU do. Break my heart for what breaks YOURS. Show me to lay it down and pray for those that hurt me. Release me LORD from any bitterness, anger and resentment that I am holding. Amen!

#ThankYOUJESUS❤️

Writer’s block or Not

I am sitting here at a loss of what to write this morning.

I was awakened at 4 AM, couldn’t sleep. I was still tired and tried to go back to sleep.

Going back to sleep seemed to be a fight.

I started praising GOD.

Something a bit disturbing occurred. I had trouble finding words.

Perhaps, the tired in my mind - not sure! However, it bothered me. And off I went on a tangent, (in my own mind) on how terrible I am that I cannot even focus enough to give the LORD my full.

Eventually, the fatigue took me adrift and I fell back asleep.

I woke up about an hour later, feeling “off”.

I read the verse about how Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy.

Lately, it does seem that I may be under a bit of an attack. I say “bit” because in my heart of hearts, (much better than my mind), I AM the daughter of a KING and the winning has been done! I have victory “And I am convinced that nothing will ever separate me from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither my fears for today nor my worries about tomorrow--not even the powers of hell can separate me from God's love.

And certainly not a bout of poor focus!

So, the beating up of myself stopped.... and I instead picked up my cloak of the LORD’s love.

And look at that.... the words flowed out whilst in the middle of a writer’s block! JESUS always wins!

#ThankYOUJESUS ❤️

Today IS a New Day

Today, I will put my shame away!

Today, I will stomp out what tries to drag me down!

Today, I will rise! I am not who I was yesterday!

I am not who I was even but a moment ago!

GOD’S mercy and grace provide renewal. Each and every morning.

So why? Why do I hold on to the shame and guilt of yesterday?

No more! JESUS shed HIS blood for me so that I am washed clean. I accept HIS love and then repent.

Repent of all I have done that I know of, and that even I may not be aware of!

I am covered! And those things behind me are gone!!

Time to put it down! Let it go! Brushing off the title of victim.

Today, I will assume my rightful title of warrior and victor!

Yep, today....

#ThankYOUJESUS ❤️

10/24/2014 0 Comments

LIFE IS MESSY so WHY GOD?

Life is messy. There are no two ways about it. There are great and joyful moments but there are also tough times to endure. In the last few weeks, I have gotten the question, “Why GOD?”. If life is going to be hard, then why do I need JESUS?

JESUS gives us a light at the end of the tunnel. It is for sure. So no matter what you or I are going through, it will be taken care of. I know that my FATHER loves me and is guiding me to greater heights. Sometimes, my fears get in the way but when I rely on GOD my fears are less. GOD does not promise us a problem-free life. BUT he does offer peace beyond all understanding when the going gets tough.

Just knowing that allows you more freedom and confidence. Freedom in knowing that GOD’s plan is perfect and he promises us many fruits of the spirit to get us through….

LOVE, JOY, PEACE, PATIENCE, KINDNESS, GOODNESS, FAITHFULNESS, GENTLENESS, SELF-CONTROL.

Keeping our eyes upon JESUS instead of the issue at hand, will provide the gifts listed above. It does not matter who you are or what your problem or problems are.

One of the things I do (being a fatalist) is take things to the extreme in my head. But it looks a little different now than it used to. Before, I would look at things as ending up as the worst case scenario, and then I would panic endlessly. Where did that get me???? Tummy aches, angst…. so forth and on.. BUT if you take things to the worst and realize that no matter how hard it may get, JESUS is there with his arms open to offer refuge. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!

Bills, no money, taxes, temptation of drugs or alcohol, relationship issues, bad relationship you cannot shake off, worry for your children, sickness, and death – YOU ARE NOT ALONE! GOD does not want you to suffer, HE wants you to give relinquish your hardships to him. Let it go and then get on with it. If it comes back to haunt you again, pray. Do it over and over again. And PRAY, that is how you “get on with it”. Can’t find the words, just say “JESUS HELP ME” or cry out to HIM whatever you can muster up.

Faith WILL find a way. In Mark 2, there is a story of a man who is paralyzed. He could not find how to get into the home where JESUS was. So 4 men lowered him from the roof top of the home because the crowds were so massive. JESUS saw the faith of this man and said to him, “your sins are forgiven”. That did not sit well with those that were there, they thought that JESUS was being blaspheme. He gave the power for the man to take up his mat and walk. But his main point WAS that he not only could heal the sick, rise the dead but he forgives our sins.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! No matter what you are in, what you have done or where you think you are going…… if you seek faith, FAITH will find a way.

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10/20/2014 0 Comments

GET THEE BEHIND ME ANXIETY!

Anxiety…. Just typing the word makes me uneasy. I am being faced with a lot of anxiety producing events. As I social media-ize them, I see that there are many who are facing anxiety and fear, worry and angst. I have written so much about this on my blog and much of the time, my writing is to remind myself. But it occurred to me that so often we isolate in our anxiety and it sits in the pit of our tummies and causes all kinds of mayhem inside our psyche, physical and spiritual health.

Today I was working with my daughter, we both work for the same company. We are going through some tough issues at work. I received a poster I ordered today of JESUS calming the seas during the storm as the disciples and HIM are crossing over. Funny how it came today. At a point where stress was particularly high, I pointed to the poster that I had hung and told Erica of the story. I am sure many have heard this but it kind of goes like this (my own words) Mark:35-41 is one place in the BIBLE you will see it.

STORY: So….. the disciples and JESUS get in the boat to cross the seas from one side to the other. A storm breaks and the winds pick up, it is dark, windy and gloomy and the boat starts swerving. I imagine it with thunder and lightning as well. The disciples began to get scared (I would have been screaming most likely). JESUS wakes from a sound sleep and asks them “Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?” JESUS quiets the storm, the waves and merrily they go along.

What storm are you facing? Remember, that JESUS holds on to you and HE WILL quiet your storms. BUT YOU must let it go and GIVE IT TO GOD! IF you are holding onto your storm so tight, GOD cannot release you. You MUST be willing to GIVE IT UP! Do you know that the devil works that way? He takes negativity and twists and turns it so that we are enveloped inside of it. Satan takes our worries and keeps them in the forefront of our brains. BUT JESUS has your heart and soul. The ONLY way out of it is JESUS. SCREAM !! I AM A CHILD OF GOD AND JESUS WILL CALM MY STORM, GET THEE BEHIND ME, satan – you have no control here. (rinse and repeat) Your anxiety will leave!

If you keep to worry, you will get worry, BUT if you look to JESUS, you will get JESUS!! HE wants to lift you. HE is just waiting for you to ask (pray).

JESUS knows what I am going through and all day today through my mediations, prayers and readings; I am seeing repeated over and over again….. “there is no need to worry or fear”. And the poster is delivered today. Ironic, NO – JESUS, YES!!!

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10/17/2014 0 Comments

HUMILITY = HUGS / PRIDE- Not so much!!!!

I have acted with pride instead of humility and as a result, life has tumble me all over. GOD loved me anyway. GOD provided me gentle pushing when I was being stubborn; courage when I was being scared; peace when I was feeling like falling apart and most importantly, love when I felt I should be hated.

How we act under pressure says a lot. I hear my husband talk about “psi” a lot when he is speaking about construction or vehicles. Basically, to my understanding it has to do with the amount of pressure something can take before something else happens. Humans have a level of “psi”. It is called endurance.

I pride myself on the amount of pressure I can take before I break. Humanistic-ally translated, I take on what I can as much as I possibly can before I break. PLEASE NOTE: there are way too many I’s in that sentence. But it is the sad truth and I am stubborn to boot.

Sometimes GOD lets us make mistakes so that we are able to increase our faith and relationship with HIM to a deeper level. So, as my psi was increasing, I was continually adding more pressure and trying to stand alone, pushing everyone away and act the fool like I am going to do this MYSELF (I don’t need anyone)!

Fast forward…… me in an angels arms, sobbing horribly. Now for me that is a vulnerable spot to be in. You see, I handle everything and I NEVER let anyone believe that they can handle it without me. Yep, there I am with these perceived super hero shoulders…. And again I say NOT!!!!! Thank JESUS that he puts those angels in the right place at the right time.

I learned that first when you allow yourself to become vulnerable you allow another person to minister (help) you. So by NOT doing that you not only deprive them of giving but you also act in pride. GOD wants us to be humble not prideful.

There are numerous verses through the BIBLE that speak to this. Such as:
Isaiah 66:2 Has not my hand made all these things, and so they came into being?" declares the LORD. "This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word.

Romans 12:3: For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.

SO in closing, I ask GOD’s forgiveness for my prideful nature and I want to thank HIM for the willing heart to learn and to change my ways. I need to thank GOD for my friend Michelle, who was that angel for me today. I needed to weep, I needed to be held and told “everything is going to be ok”. And that is exactly what was provided. I thank GOD for giving JESUS who suffered on a cross willingly to take our sins. One of those sins is pride. I am going to work on this further with JESUS and I pray that humility will be easier got than my pride. In JESUS NAME! AMEN!

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10/15/2014 0 Comments

I CAN'T - GOD CAN! - I AM MESSIN IT ALL UP!!

I keep reminding myself that when Paul wrote Philippian’s, it was under the worst of human circumstances. My currently life situation leaves much to be desired but it does not compare to the severity of Paul being beaten, starved and shackled for two years. Here I sit in the last weeks (weeks not years) with much anxiety; fighting anger and tears and yet,during Paul years not weeks, he writes:

Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: REJOICE! (Philippians 4:4) and then in Philippians 4:13, my personal favorite… “ I can do all things through CHRIST who strengthens me.

Then if I am to be perfectly honest and real, I waltz around whining and bitching and acting like my problems are more difficult than others and screaming : SHUT UP and treating everyone with less than calm and nice tones. And there is Paul once again reminding me:

2 icomplete my joy by being jof the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 3 Do nothing from kselfish ambition or lconceit, but in mhumility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you nlook not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Philippians 2:2-4)

SO I am left with egg on my face. I AM A SCHMUCK! (hence the name of this blog). If anyone who happened to cross my path these past few weeks and I was rude, curt or mean-spirited, I apologize. But more than that, I need to ask for my FATHER’s forgiveness. The idea here is to be “CHRIST-LIKE” and I know that is impossible. But the desire is there. I AM FORGIVEN!

Does that mean I can continue to run around like an anger ball of fire who is lighting up anyone who approaches me??? NO NO NO !!! It does mean that JESUS is bringing to light that I need to handle this all differently.

I would like to ask for help. I need prayer. I am completely out of sync and I am allowing my situation take my joy and my peace. And worse, I am taking my distasteful condition out on others. PLEASE FATHER JESUS, I BEG OF YOU to first forgive me, and to thank YOU that I do not have to remain in this anxious hell any longer. I ask as a CHILD of GOD that YOU forsake me and keep the EVIL one at bay. HOLD me up with your RIGHT hand as it tells me you will in YOUR word. Please do not leave me or forsake me FATHER. I ask for these things in JESUS name and in JESUS name I ask evil to have no hold on me. Please restore my peace in ALL situations. In JESUS name again I beg and pray. AMEN

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10/10/2014 0 Comments

I will weather my storm cause I am not alone!

I remember the story of JESUS on the boat with the disciples and a great storm appeared. And the disciples panicked and woke JESUS up. As the story goes, JESUS calmed the storms and all was well.
(Mathew 8:26)

So often life throws us curve balls and we just react to the situation in normal human fashion much like the disciples did; total panic. Once the issue sinks in, the nervous breakdown happens and then smack in the forehead (V8 style) and you realize….. I could’ve held onto my joy.

My dad was a very strong man. I guess most girls think that of their daddy. I look back and feel saddened that he carried heavy burdens. He was the kind of man that was helping everyone; many times his own needs were put on the back-burner so he could assist. (unless he had a golf game scheduled) GOD gave him those large shoulders and he used them well. He also was a happy man but I know he carried stress. It ultimately affected his health. I see that with me now, my blood pressure is out of whack and my body is aching and fatigue set in. Ironically my stress has to do with the good ol IRS and there is a famous story in my family regarding my dad’s behavior in an IRS auditor’s office. I will not go there…….

So in my miserable state over the last few days over the IRS (like daddy) I was not a great one to be around. Frankly, I have had many tough issues hitting me over the last few weeks and probably have been mopey at times to say the least. I guess you could say,

my boat’s a rockin and I don’t feel JESUS knockin… (bad analogy here)

But is that not how the disciples felt??? GOD knew and knows how we are going to react. In spite of acting like scared and spoiled brats; he saves us, forgives us and loves us. It is in the storms of life that we reach out more, hold on longer but we also forget. So we react….. and JESUS calms the storm, the waves are hushed, the waters are stilled and the boat continue on.

THANK GOD, THANK JESUS that I am forgiven for my quick to react, slow to remember attitude. THANK GOD, THANK JESUS that in my storms, there is and will be calm. It does not matter how strong the winds are, or turbulent the waves are in my life…. JESUS will calm everything. I am NOT sailing alone!

We CAN help each other. We CAN pray for that calm for each other. We ALL have our storms! What is your storm? What do you need prayer for? I will tell you what. I will pray for you in your turbulence, can you pray for me in mine?

In all I give thanks to JESUS who always provides for me in abundance even when I act like a big baby scared of the storm. AMEN and HALLELULIA!

Psalm 107:29 HE stilled the storm to a whisper, the waves of the sea were hushed.

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I am Deni, short for Denise. I grew up in a Jewish home, in a Jewish neighborhood and a Jewish family. In 3rd grade we moved. We moved to a mostly non-Jewish area.... that is where JESUS found me. I say found me because I yet had not acknowledged it, but would find out later.......by grace, HE HELD ME ALL ALONG, just a lil Jewish girl from Philly.

YOUR CART

What you can’t forgive you become

Writer’s block or Not

Today IS a New Day

LIFE IS MESSY so WHY GOD?

GET THEE BEHIND ME ANXIETY!

HUMILITY = HUGS / PRIDE- Not so much!!!!

I CAN'T - GOD CAN! - I AM MESSIN IT ALL UP!!

I will weather my storm cause I am not alone!

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