I pray a lot. Sometimes I talk to GOD in my head, sometimes, out loud and even through writing.
I noticed that sometimes my prayers seemed almost stale. I seemed to always start with "be with" (fill in persons name).
I decided that for one day (yesterday) I would try and get real and worry less about what I said and just speak it from my heart. I wanted to try and refrain from the use of "be with". I am not against these two words; just felt that I had become too robotic.
In this little experiment, I realized that by letting myself just get lost in the prayer and be real with what was in my heart, there was this thing called emotion inside.
This was difficult. The hardest, I find at least for myself is seeing the little ones who suffer. It totally breaks my heart. My experiment came shortly after I prayed to have a heart like JESUS and what breaks HIS heart would break mine. Be careful what you ask for!
I am not comfortable with real raw emotion. I run from it, I overeat because of it, I immerse myself in activity to flee from it and I do what I can to numb it.
I tout my reliance on the LORD when in essence I still try to control. I realize that part of prayer is asking for GOD's help. There is a fine line between asking for help and providing direction for how to help.
My child was in pain yesterday and I just wanted her pain to end. It was agonizing seeing her in the pain. There are two really young girls that I know who suffer with cancer; dealing with pain that most adults could not even fathom. Then I hear of a wretched story of a little boy mauled by an alligator.
My heart hurt. It was ripping. I felt it swelling with a heaviness. I became angry. Here I am sitting in deep sorrow and anger. So I prayed. This time it was different. I got "real". It was not "LORD, be with"- it was:
GOD, I am hurting and I do not understand but more than me hurting, these children of YOURS are suffering. I just don't understand FATHER and that is so hard. Why are these little innocent children suffering so? Why is my kid in pain? Why does a little boy perish in such a horrid way? Forgive me LORD, but I am angry. I anger that I can't make it stop. I anger that it is happening in the first place. I don't know FATHER and I guess someday I will know. In the meantime LORD, I leave at YOUR alter my anger, my deep sadness and ask that YOU fill me with YOUR peace. YOU tell us that there is a peace beyond the understanding. I want that FATHER! They need that LORD. MORE than that, YOUR healing power is needed. I am summoning this for these LORD. FATHER these little girls that suffer with cancer are are hurting. My little girl just had a baby and she is sick and this little boy who is now at peace with YOU leaves behind many who cry out at his demise. I can't do anything for any of them except pray. I admit LORD that the feeling of being helpless is overbearing. I also see now that I have been helpless all along except now I truly realize that my help comes only from YOU! YOU CAN - I can't. So I place these situations in YOUR HANDS IN JESUS name. I know that THAT IS THE BEST PLACE for these situations to be. I do admit that I am unsteady in my faith at times and I am sorry. I know YOU WILL make blessings come forth through it all. Thank YOU JESUS! Even though I do not understand I do know that YOU do. Even when the situation may seem impossible to me, it is always possible with YOU! I let go and leave them to YOU FATHER - in perfect hands AMEN ❤️
Prayers are honest communication with GOD. I understand now that they can be messy, emotional and disorganized. That is ok!
Prayer works! It moves our maker to act on our behalf. HE hears our pleas, and cries and because our GOD is compassionate, HE always answers. The more I move along with CHRIST - the more evidence I see of this.
I have diabetes and a while ago I was getting very discouraged with the numbers on my glucose meter but more than that, I was feeling pretty ill. I had little energy and my moods were on a roller coaster. I asked for prayer and by GOD's loving grace, my numbers have been steady and as a result, I feel better!
Joel Osteen's mother had cancer. It got really bad. I had the opportunity to hear her speak and tell her miraculous story of healing! Started with a prayer.....
I have heard countless miracles yet my memory seems to be thin when I am in the thick of it. I get lost in the situation and forget whom I serve and the power HE provides.
Empty prayer is when we pray but do not believe. I have done this as well. Sometimes we see our trouble through small eyes. We are hindered in belief because we do not believe our GOD IS bigger! I am guilty of this. Yet, JESUS loves me so, that HE never lets me go. Amazing!!
There are times in my life that I wanted something so bad. I prayed and prayed and didn't get my desire. Initially I would sulk like a child. Eventually, I would see that my perceived unanswered prayer was actually very answered. It was a redirection to a much better way than what I wanted. For instance, years ago, I wanted a job I applied for. I didn't get it. Nope, it slipped through my hands. I remember sulking. Several weeks later I ended up with a position that led to a very lucrative career for many, many years.
It is pretty simple - prayer works. GOD tells us to do it and do it without ceasing! GOD tells us to do it and do it believing!
Thank YOU LORD for all the answers to all my prayers! Thank YOU LORD for understanding when I tantrum because I do not get what I want. Thank YOU LORD for always loving me in spite!
Do you remember in elementary school, playing the game “opposite day”? You would say to one of your friends, “you are really ugly” as they looked hurt by that statement, like an April fool’s joke, you would then shout, “HA! It is opposite day!”
Life with JESUS is kind of like an everlasting opposite day. I realize that when I write I speak much about my imperfection, flaws and weaknesses. I realize that those who do not understand JESUS will not understand where I am coming from when I talk about these things.
GOD made the world, the heavens and the earth and everything in it. HE then plopped Adam and Eve to look after it all. He gave them one command – just one! DO not eat from the tree of life. Well you know what happens when you tell someone “don’t touch that plate, it is hot”. Yep, you got it, the plate is touched and the fingers are burned. Well needless to say Adam and Eve ate from the forbidden tree.
It is in our nature to sin. There is not a one of us no matter how hard we try that will be free from imperfection. We are flawed. And you know what else? No matter how hard we try to be “perfect” it ain’t happening!
I am weak! I feel like I want to shout that on the rooftops! This is very opposite thinking in a world where being tough and handling everything is considered strong.
This is such a struggle for me. Somewhere in the core of my being, I still feel like I am need to be the resilient one, I can handle it all, and I have unending strength. I, I, I! It is one of my biggest impediments. Thank GOD, I see this more and more and am open and willing for GOD to transform this.
In a world where one is revered for being the smartest, the prettiest, the richest and whatever other “est” you can come up with, this concept can be a bit perplexing. It is much like that opposite game I played when a kid.
I do not have a great amount of self-esteem in my appearance. Through most of my life I would fake it but deep inside I felt like the ugly duckling. I also struggle with the feeling of being unintelligent. I have admitted this before but I do believe it is relevant. I dropped out of high school. I overcompensated for my inequities in being the “needed one”. I would be the good ol’ dependable Deni, the one everyone could count on. That was my self-esteem. The more I did for others, the better I felt. Hearing, “great job”, “You’re the best” and “What would I do without you?” were the fuel that fed me to keep this façade up. Frankly it was exhausting!
I do realize now that I do have many gifts and talents. I am very resourceful. I rarely will face something and say I can’t do it (unless it is sewing, gardening or decorating). These are all from GOD. These are all by grace.
You see, when I say I am not perfect, what I mean is I am free. When I say I am a schmuck and GOD still loves me; this too is extremely liberating. Why? I am made perfect in all of my weaknesses through CHRIST JESUS! It means when I mess up, I do not have to beat myself up. I do this less and less each day. ALL of us have something! When I say I am flawed, that does not mean I am not a caring and loving person! It does not mean I hate myself.
What it means, is that I realize that I am wonderfully made by GOD, just the way I am. Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 12:9, “he (JESUS) said to me, “MY GRACE is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that CHRIST’s power may rest on me.
Here is the summary! The more I fill with JESUS the better I feel about myself. I want to exude the JESUS in me so that when people look at me and ask, how do you remain peaceful in all moments? And I can proudly boast, because it is the JESUS in me who by HIS grace I am made perfect in my weakness!
I am Deni, short for Denise. I grew up in a Jewish home, in a Jewish neighborhood and a Jewish family. In 3rd grade we moved. We moved to a mostly non-Jewish area.... that is where JESUS found me. I say found me because I yet had not acknowledged it, but would find out later.......by grace, HE HELD ME ALL ALONG, just a lil Jewish girl from Philly.