It seems like when I go through something, I do sometimes see it only from my perspective. That makes sense. This is not saying I am not empathetic because I am. As a matter of fact, I think I can be over-empathetic and then I become a rescuer. This has gotten neither me or those I love anywhere but here, stuck. I understand that the only change will come when a desire or a need occurs.
I am in need to downsize my home. I am used to living in a big home for about 20 years now with a lot of occupants and much hustle and bustle. Actually, to be honest I kind of like it that way. However, now I realize the older I get, the need for a more settled and simple life is becoming necessary; not to mention financial issues that contributes to this need for change. I am afraid. And, everyone who is living here that has to make this change, is fearful as well. It is very over-whelming. Sometimes, I just want to crawl in a little ball and just make it go away.
Not only do I feel like an ogre forcing everyone out into the world but I am also uncomfortable with the idea of quietness. I imagine that is part of why there is a huge facet of procrastination. I have made some huge decisions lately based on my reliance on CHRIST and here is another and there will be many, many more, I am sure. I have no idea what or where my LORD wants me to live. I imagine it will be perfect as everything is when it is through prayer and leaning on GOD. As soon as a dribble of unsureness seeps in my being, and I feel myself drifting heavily into the whirlwind of worry; I need to call on the name of CHRIST as my anchor.
I do realize that everyone in this house (and there is a lot of us) needs prayer. Each one is going through their own version of fear and resistance to change. That is the human way. Houses are not just buildings, they are homes and havens for us, a place where we are secure. No matter how bad the roof is, the plumbing, the mess and such – it is the warm and comfy place we become accustomed to.
I need to realize that just as the church building is not where CHRIST exclusively resides, that my house is just a building. It is the love that makes it a cozy place.
Change is not a bad thing, just a scary thing. I thank GOD that I can handle all things through HIM. I am not alone, none of us are alone in this big old house. We all are being guided by a much higher force than what building we are living in.
SO as we forge ahead, GOD has got great plans for each one of us individually and collectively. As my mom would say to us in the middle of many storms when growing up. “Deni, look at it as an adventure”.
So, here I go, hand-in-hand with JESUS to this new adventure!
I am Deni, short for Denise. I grew up in a Jewish home, in a Jewish neighborhood and a Jewish family. In 3rd grade we moved. We moved to a mostly non-Jewish area.... that is where JESUS found me. I say found me because I yet had not acknowledged it, but would find out later.......by grace, HE HELD ME ALL ALONG, just a lil Jewish girl from Philly.