I am a reformed meddler, a recovering codependent and through CHRIST JESUS each day I walk more and more victoriously over these impulses. Each day I am learning that I do have an ending where others begin- I walk individually and no matter how much I love, a certain detachment is better for myself and those I care about. When others moved on I used to have panic. When my loved ones hurt, I agonized.
Although I still struggle with jumping in front of "real life" for those I love (thinking I am actually helping them) each day I get better. Yesterday I read in Romans 12:6-8 the Codependents creed:
(Msg)you preach, just preach God’s Message, nothing else; if you help, just help, don’t take over; if you teach, stick to your teaching; if you give encouraging guidance, be careful that you don’t get bossy; if you’re put in charge, don’t manipulate; if you’re called to give aid to people in distress, keep your eyes open and be quick to respond; if you work with the disadvantaged, don’t let yourself get irritated with them or depressed by them. Keep a smile on your face."
What really stuck out was, "if you help, just help, don't take over". That is my drug of choice. For me it created a dependency on me by others. I confused that with love. I really thought and truly believed in the innermost part of my heart that I had to hold on to others so tight because if they left I would die.
I don't have that intensity anymore. It took a long time but it was possible. My life had become one big train wreck. JESUS saved me. JESUS intervenes when I am weak and JESUS showed me that I was loved in spite. JESUS forgave me when I couldn't forgive myself. JESUS gave me a new life and hope! Thank YOU JESUS ❤️
I have hope that what I pray for will come to pass! However, I admit there are times where I pray and I have a tugging in the back of my mind of doubt.
GOD proves to me over and over again that HE is near and HE DOES answer my prayers.
I recently read "The way to get real-life results in prayer is to seek God with an attitude that says, “No matter how long it takes, or whatever I have to do, I will not be denied.”
Prayer is about asking and then resting in GOD that it WILL happen. Asking while being skeptical is not all-believing.
I have been let down many, many times by people I had trust in. We all have. My reaction was to build a wall of sorts; and a holding back of myself. I did this to protect myself. The deeper the wound the higher the wall. It occurred to me that I also have a bit of a wall with the LORD. The good news is that I have such a deep desire to rely on GOD that my wall is crumbling. So my prayers are going from "yeah right" to "YESSSSSS! I do believe I will receive!!!"
FATHER, I come to YOU and ask that YOU remove my wall when it comes to my relationship to YOU. I do want a complete reliance, faith AND belief that YOU hold me, YOU provide for me and YOU will never, ever hurt me as the world does. Blind me to my past hurts when I come before you so that I can trust completely! I don't want to hold back any part of me FATHER. Fill me with YOU to overflowing LORD so that all my reactions come from my trust in YOU and not in my past hurts, hang-ups and habits. I love YOU LORD! I do trust but I want to trust more! Forgive me FATHER for those times when I do hold back. Instill in me complete trust in YOU with the mindset of a child who has not been scathed by the world. I ask for this in the name of JESUS who came to save me even from my own self .... Thank YOU LORD that I do trust that this prayer shall be answered because YOU tell me so! Amen ❤️